Have you ever experienced an event where you replay a conversation, mistake, or embarrassing moment repeatedly in your mind? Revisiting these experiences can be very difficult. For example, you may remember things that you said at work, have an argument with a friend, or make a choice that you wish you hadn’t. Regardless of the circumstances, it seems that every time you try to get past an event, your brain will keep recalling that same moment over and over again.
This experience is known as “mental replay.” While reflecting on past experiences is sometimes useful, when you continually evaluate the same experience with no resolution, it becomes very tiring. Repetitive patterns can also create more stress, anxiety, interfere with sleep, and distract from focusing on the moment.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can provide you with many interventions that will assist you in breaking the cycle of mental replay by interrupting the pattern of thoughts that lead to emotional and behavioural change. One of the primary tenets of CBT is that thought patterns shape how you feel and how you behave.
As a result, when you have established an unhealthy thought pattern by rewinding it several times in your mind, it increases your feelings of anxiety, guilt, embarrassment, or frustration. Therefore, learning to interrupt your unhealthy thought patterns will help disrupt the mental replay cycle.
Assume Mental Relays Happen For A Reasons
Many individuals think the only reason they replay an event mentally is that they haven’t reflected enough on it. However, often the reverse is true, as the brain keeps going back in time to compare what occurred with what could have happened either through reflection, reassurance, or some kind of new outcome that no longer exists. This will lead to a continuous cycle of thought, but it will never provide a meaningful answer.
A good example of re-experiencing is when an individual reviews an embarrassing conversation multiple times, wondering how stupid they sounded when they spoke or whether they may have offended someone. Even days later, the individual will still be trying to find out information that they may never discover.
A good way to start using cognitive behavioural therapy to assist in re-living experiences is to identify when they are occurring. Many individuals are so used to thinking in circles that they can be oblivious to their thoughts until they have spent a significant amount of time engaged in circular thinking. Begin paying attention to when you have a thought about an experience and the thought returns to the original experience before new or different information has been processed.
Recognizing that you are engaging in a mental replay is the first step for using cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) to overcome these types of thoughts. Many people have been experiencing repetitive thoughts for so long that it’s difficult to see what’s happening until you’re deep in the cycle. Start to become aware of when your thoughts keep returning to the same event but with no new information or solution.
When you recognise the pattern of your replays, CBT recommends that you label them. Instead of saying, “I need to solve this problem now,” simply realise that you are redoing a conversation,” or, “I am in a rumination loop.” When you label your repetitive thought patterns, it enables you to create some space between your repetitive thought patterns and yourself.
One of the most effective ways to achieve distance from your mental replay is to shift your focus back to the present moment actively. Mental replays often cause you to lose your awareness of what is happening in the present moment. When you bring your focus back to your current physical environment, you can stop the mental replay from building momentum.
You don’t have to force yourself into CBT
Do not interpret this advice as saying you can or should never think about the situation again. Instead, you need to recognise that continuing to analyse this situation at this moment is unlikely to be beneficial for you. You should ask yourself if you are working on a solution or are simply repeating the same thoughts over and over again. If you are not generating new solutions to the situation, then it may be a good time to refocus on something else.
One other strategy that can be helpful from CBT, is looking at the purpose of your need to replay the situation over and over again. Ask yourself what your brain is hoping to achieve by replaying that situation. Are you looking for certainty, a way to prevent future mistakes from happening, or reassurance that your behaviour was acceptable during that situation?
In most cases, you will find that your desire to replay the situation is coming from fear rather than fact. Although you may think you are protecting yourself by constantly thinking about the problem, what you are really doing is keeping yourself stuck in the situation. Once you understand this, it can give you insight into your desire to keep going back to the replay.
CBT will also help you to determine if your worries are based upon reality or are simply being influenced by judgement on your part. For example, if you continue to replay a conversation in your head because you think you embarrassed yourself, ask yourself if there are any actual facts that support your belief that you embarrassed yourself.
Is there the possibility that the person you were talking to may have interpreted the conversation differently than how you interpreted it? Are you holding yourself to a higher standard for determining the success of that interaction than the standard that would apply to someone else?
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